Funny Signs!

It's been a while since we had some good old Chinglish, so here we go, courtesy of a few signs I saw on my travels this week:

This is sort of hard to see, but at the end of the fourth line, you'll notice that the translator of this sign describing my hotel in Beijing either had a serious order of magnitude problem, or he was under the impression that the Temple of Heaven Hotel was about the size of Denmark.  China's big, but not that big (Beijing is about 16,000 sq km which is still, you know, fucking huge).

Sorry for the potty talk, but this was too funny to pass up.  I found this at one of the venues at which Franco's band was playing.  It'd be pretty funny even if the English was correct, but "bliss only" (instead of "piss only") just takes it over the edge.  The Chinese also contributes to the hilarity of the sign -- I won't translate it here to keep things PG-13, but let's just say it involves suggestions of Oepidal relations with one's mother, should one decide to soil the bathroom.

I should point out that the reason for all of this stems from what can't be seen here -- that is, that there is no toilet.  For those that haven't been to China, public restrooms often eschew toilets in favor of toilet-seat-shaped holes in the ground.  No problem for us men, should we want to urinate (er, I should say, bliss), but it causes serious problems with good ol' number two (flushing being one of them).

Okay, enough of this shit....

The signs protecting grass always seem to be pretty funny here.  These are two examples.  

This may be the funniest sign I've ever seen in China.  It's at a Chinese food court at the Olympic Center in Beijing, full of sixty or so different stands with various dumplings, noodles, and other less appetizing delicacies, such as this one.  The funny thing is, the translation is accurate!  撒尿 (sa niao) quite literally means "to urinate".  My guess, and strong hope, is that the food offered here does not contain cow urine, but rather is a beef bun with soup inside it (a la the Shanghainese xiaolongbao of which I am quite fond).  Given the abundance of other options, however, I opted against testing my theory.