Just Another Single Guy in Shanghai

The Chinese, perhaps surprisingly, are fascinated to the point of obsession by my love life.  Or, really, my current lack thereof: they are consistently perplexed and disappointed by the fact that I am single.  This feeling is focused primarily on my female colleagues, but it extends to males and non-work friends as well.  The following conversation, which occured about ten minutes ago, is a good example of what I'm talking about:

Me:  Hey Ellen, do you know if Chelsea is here today?

Ellen (a bit taken aback):  Um...no I don't think so...why?

Me: Oh, just needed to talk to her about something, didn't see her at her desk.

Ellen (a bit concerned):  Oh... I'm sorry.  I don't think she's single anymore.


I shouldn't have to explain that I have no interest in Chelsea whatsoever, but I let me just say for the record's sake: I have no interest in Chelsea whatsoever. I needed to talk to her about work-related things (the gall of me, to expect to do that, you know, at work), and instead I receive unsolicited information about her relationship status.  Earlier today, one of the office managers asked me if I would be taking anyone to the office holiday dinner (we're allowed one guest).  When I said no, she emailed responded in Chinese something to the effect of "how pitiful. you're so lonely :( " (emoticon was in her email).  A few weeks ago, I showed up to work in a blazer that one of my roommates had given me, and pretty much all of my female colleagues assumed (hoped, in fact) that I was going on a date after work.

Never has my lack of a girlfriend been such a defining characteristic of my personality, to the point where people assume that if I want to speak to someone, it must be with ulterior motives (or if it isn't, it damn well should be, because no self-respecting twenty-four year old man would be without a woman in his life).  It's very clearly a cultural thing, and one that isn't necessarily restricted to Chinese.  Vietnamese people that I met on my recent trip would ask me if I was married, often within ten seconds of meeting me.  It's a part of one's life that seems far more important to peope in this part of the world than it does in the West, where staying single until your 30s is not only not frowned upon, but is often encouraged.